People Pleasin’

Hi y’all. Long time, no talk. I haven’t been posting on here, but I’m saying hey and writing a post for ya 🙂 This topic has been on my mind lately so I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Your worth is not determined by how appealing or how not appealing you are to others.

If we live our lives just to please others, we’re living a life of outside appraisal. That outside appraisal isn’t always guaranteed, so what are we left with? Self doubt, self loathing, uncertainty, little to no sense of self, etc. That doesn’t sound too fun, am I right?

I’ve seen multiple posts, tweets, ads, and various other platforms that almost see the dependency on others or outside approval as a “goal.” That we should aim to please others and only when they approve of us, that means we are worth something. And this comes in multiple forms. Seeking approval from men, women, mentors, bosses, friends, family, social media, strangers, etc. Now don’t think I’m saying that we all seek approval from these sources. I’m just saying that a lot of us do, although I wish that we didn’t.

I’m no stranger to this. I often worry about what others think, seek their approval, and look for validation. And like I said before, unfortunately most of us do. We spend so much time acting, dressing, eating, talking, and being a certain way to appeal to others or to receive their affection and approval. All that time we spend doing so, we lose parts of ourselves. Those parts that makes us well… us.

Let’s say you posted a picture on your Instagram. Pretty standard right? I feel ya. But do you remember all the steps you took before posting that picture? Maybe you took over 100 pictures just to get the “right” one. Maybe you spent hours editing it. Maybe you scheduled a specific time to post it. Maybe you posted it, deleted it immediately after, edited it some more, and then posted it again. Wowza, that’s a lot. I’ve been there, and I bet most of you have too. Let us ask ourselves why we go through all of that just to post a picture? Is it because we’re unsure of ourselves and how others will react to it? Is it because we’re perfectionists that have to have things a certain way? Are we seeking approval and appeality of others? There’s soooo many reasons as to why we might do this. What if we just posted the picture as is? What if we set aside other people’s opinions and just posted it because we like it? Would the world end? Would a bunch of creatures come and eat us? Eh, most likely (and I mean really) not.

So what about when it comes to the phrase, “But everyone else is doing it.” Okay that’s great and all, but do you want to do it? Do you genuinely want to jump off that bridge, or did Rebecca post it on her Instagram and get a sh*t ton of likes? Why do we care so much about what others are doing? It’s all well and good when we genuinely care about what our friends, family, and the people we look up to are doing, but letting it affect our lives? No thank you. I am no stranger to this!! Please do not feel or think that I’m attacking you. I’m writing this for your benefit and for my own.

It really breaks my heart that we waste so much time worrying about what others think and seeking their approval. We waste soooo much time. That time could be spent doing things that we truly like and enjoy. All that time we spend editing our photos, trying to erase it of any “imperfections” and “flaws,” we could spend it loving ourselves instead.

Living a life of authenticity. Living a life using our own intuition. Living out our own values, our hopes, and our dreams. Being who we really are. How freeing does that sound? To live a life focused solely on being who you choose. To live a life where the focus is your happiness, instead of a focus on pleasing others. I think that kind of life sounds a million times better than the latter. That’s the kind of life I want to live.

How about you? Do you spend your time worrying about what others think? Do you want to make changes in regards to authenticity and people pleasing? I’d love to hear (read lol) your thoughts and experiences 🙂

The Reality of Recovery

It sucks.

Like it really, really sucks. 

And my mom taught me not to use that word lightly (totally just used it twice).

But truly, it does. I’m actually writing this at 4:10 in the morning because I was so hungry I couldn’t sleep. So I’m eating a slice of banana bread… and it’s really hard. This is the first time I’m doing this. I usually just make myself a cup of coffee, or I force myself to fall back to sleep, or I just stay up and wait until it’s “time” for breakfast.  But I listened to my body and it sucks.

The mental battle that recovery brings is agonizing. I’m at that point where I don’t know if I’m choosing recovery or if I’m just continuing to relapse, but maybe that is the process of recovery?

I’m just trying to figure things out and I’m trying to heal… but what does that look like? The reality is – I have no freaking idea.

We see other amazing people in recovery and we think to ourselves, “Oh so is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Is this the way I should be recovering?” The answer is – nope. All these “supposed to’s” and “should be’s” are unnecessary expectations we are trying to set for ourselves.

Who ever said recovery was supposed to look a certain way? Feel a certain way? Be a certain way? (maybe a couple people but guess what they’re wrong lol).

Recovery is not linear.

And that sucks.

Trust me, I wish it was a lot simpler than that. I wish recovery was some easy and super magical journey that felt like rainbows and amazing-ness but… it’s not. If it was that easy, it probably wasn’t a big deal in the first place. But it’s a major problem and it takes major effort. 

Recovery is whatever recovery feels and looks like for you. It’s not that instagram account you idolize. It’s not forcing yourself to look a certain way. It’s not a certain way.

It’s a process. It’s horrible. It’s confusing. It’s beautiful. It’s everything. It’s entirely up to you.

So maybe recovery for me right now is eating a slice of banana bread at 4 in the morning in tears.

Maybe I wake up later and it’ll feel better.

And maybe it won’t.

But so it goes.

Xoxo, J.

Where to find me:

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Emotional Reaction to Body Changes

You’re not going to look the same as you did yesterday. Heck, you won’t look the same as you did 5 minutes ago… We are constantly changing.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be the same “perfect” and impossible standard society set up for us to follow. We spend our time scrolling through Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, etc… looking at other women, men, people… wishing we could look like them, be them. But it’s not that simple.

Our bodies are so different from one another. Sure most of us have the same bones, the same organs, the same insides, body parts, etc. But we are so different. Our features are unique. Our personalities are unique. Our way of being is unique. We are not one and the same. We are different, and we are authentically beautiful.

Your body might look a bit different than it did yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that… There might be a crack, a mark, a bloated tummy, a scar… anything that wasn’t there the last time you looked. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Sure, you could fix that piece of hair that’s bugging you. Or you could get laser treatment on your stretch marks, look up ways to alter your body… but does that really fix the so-called “problem?” Does that fix the emotional response connected to it?

No amount of treatment, exercise, ritual, etc… will make you feel better internally. How you feel about yourself can come from so many different things. Your looks, your thoughts, how you feel, etc. But only what you give power to has power over you. Try to get out of your own head, appreciate your body, and appreciate yourself.

Xoxo, J.

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Putting Your Happiness in Another Person

“They make me so happy!”

“I can’t imagine my life without them.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost them.”

Sound familiar? While these statements can be a positive thing, they might result in false happiness and heartbreak. 

We so often confuse other people’s presence for genuine happiness. While other people can help and navigate you through your self-love and self-happiness journey, they aren’t the key to it.

I believe every soul has a light in it, and sometimes that light dims or goes out. Then, let’s say a person comes into your life and it starts to light up a bit. We might start to believe that the reason why we feel so good and so “happy,” is because of that person. And if we lose that person or they leave us, we’ll lose that happiness.

Say that things unfortunately don’t work out, or the person god forbid leaves this Earth… What and how do you feel? Sadness, yes. But do you feel like all of your happiness and all the good in your life is gone? That’s when it becomes a problem.

I know how it feels to be with a person who makes you feel so good. It feels like nothing else matters and that all of your sadness and problems are gone. But you have to ask yourself, “Am I only happy because I have them?”

“Am I ignoring my actual problems because they make me feel okay?”

Knowing the difference won’t save you from heartbreak, but you’ll know if you’re genuinely happy or if you’re confusing another person for that “happiness.” And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be with that person or you shouldn’t have them in your life, but that you still might have things to work on within yourself. And that’s perfectly okay.

Xoxo, J.

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Listening to Your Heart Instead of Your Head

A lot of people will tell you to listen to your head, that your brain is always right. Our head is where our logical thoughts reside, but sometimes you can’t hear them. Sometimes your thoughts are clouded by negativity, stress, judgement, etc.

I’m more of a heart over head type of gal. From personal experience, I haven’t had a good track record with listening to my head. My head is filled with negative thoughts, restrictions, and self-doubt. So my heart comes in handy when I want to know what it is I truly have, and want to do.

I’ve been hearing my heart a lot recently. It telling me what I need to do in order to be happy, to be free. My heart is begging me to listen, and I haven’t been. So here’s what it’s been telling me: “Jillian, what are you doing? Why are you spending each day at war with yourself? You have got to let yourself free. Let this pain go.”

So why do we spend so much time ignoring what our heart is telling us? We sit back and let our minds take over. Listening to your heart is sometimes what you should, and all that you can do.

My heart is telling me to choose recovery. What is yours telling you?

Xoxo, J.

Where to find me:

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